If you remember from I’m Tagged as a Misfit, I needed money but I was striking out in finding a job.
In my interviews, I showed up overdressed, got pegged as a troublemaker, and channeled the Cheshire Cat.
Great. No book. No job. No money.
What would you do next?
I decided to stop pouting and think big
So I interviewed at the daily newspaper with this killer line: “I know I don’t have any experience, but I am pregnant with potential.”
How could they say no to that?
I don’t know, but they did.
However, I had developed a spy on the inside who said they were desperate for help but under a hiring freeze.
I began calling the managing editor every week so he could pretend they were fine without me.
When the job freeze melted . . .
. . . I was hired as a copy editor because, as the boss told my spy, “He wanted it the most.”
Would you believe it? Bugging the shit out of someone actually worked.
I guess it didn’t matter that I had never edited news stories or designed any newspaper pages. You read that right: zero.
Frankly, I barely knew a font from a fart.
(Well, I really did know farts: family car farts, airplane farts, jumping jack farts and, of course, everyone’s favorite: dog farts. You probably know a bunch more.)
But ignorance is bliss . . .
. . . and I was willing to work until midnight with split days off for $3.75 and one extra half-cent an hour, which is probably the real reason I was hired.
My first night on the paper was a success: I screwed up a simple editing task because I couldn’t remember simple instructions. The copy desk chief squinted his eyes, slammed the desk hard and growled at me like an angry dog.
I knew what he was thinking because I had gained mind-reading power when a goat head-butted me in the face: “Who was the idiot who hired this idiot?”
Talk about great!
I was a real newsman, getting yelled at just like Jimmy Olsen on the Daily Planet.
Momma would have been so proud.
COMING NEXT: “I Become a Crawling Thing”
QUESTION: What job did you get that you weren’t qualified for?